CUT!
by Storygirl000
Summary: A tale of the pranks, bloopers, and various injuries that happened behind the scenes of Detentionaire. Original, I know. T for swearing.


**So I've been reading these hilarious "behind-the-scenes" fanfics named _Phineas and Ferb: Take Two!_ and _From the Top_ (a _Voltron_ fic) and binge watching Detentionaire. One and one made two, and I started writing this. Have fun!**

00000

 _Take One_

Lee skateboarded down the hallway, making sure to avoid all the obstacles as he outsped the hazmats on his tail. As he passed a trash can, he picked it up to throw it at them...only for his board to fly out from under him as the trash can refused to move, sending him crashing to the ground.

"CUT!" the director yelled. "Lee, you alright?"

Lee responded with a groan. "I think I bruised something."

The props manager came on set and gave the trash can an experimental tug before frowning. "Okay, who's the wise guy that glued this thing to the floor?"

Snickering could be heard from offset.

"BIFFY!"

 _Take Two  
_  
"You're so dead if you don't make it back before detention's over," Biffy said through the earpiece he'd given Lee.

Lee, who was still trying to outspeed the hazmats, responded "I'm also dead if these cleaner freaks catch me, so tell me something I don't know!"

"Okay...there's a drink machine coming up."

Lee skated towards the stairs and jumped, intending to grind the railing...only for the edge of the board to hit the railing and knock him off, sending him tumbling down the stairs.

"CUT!" the director yelled.

"My everything hurts," Lee groaned.

 _Take Three  
_  
Lee skated towards the drink machine, intending to use it to make a U-turn. Unfortunately, his board chose that moment to hit a cable lying on the ground, sending him faceplanting into it instead.

"CUT!" the director yelled. "Someone get this kid an ice pack!"

"Could someone _please_ remind me why I can't have a stunt double?" Lee groaned.

"Because we don't have the budget!"

00000

Kimmie rolled her eyes at Holger's attempts to show off his dance moves. "Who wants to take this one?" The other three Glamazons raised their hands. "Brandy?"

Brandy walked up to Holger. "Holger. Speken ze duh? There is no way any of us would ever be seen anywhere with you or your, like, totally nobody friends–"

"Yeah, get back to me on that in a few hours," Lee interrupted, waggling an eyebrow.

Brandy facepalmed. "Seriously?"

00000

"Biffy T. Goldstein. Goodness. You let go of that poor, defenseless little student right this minute."

Biffy let go of Lee. "Sorry, Vice Principal Rabbit–Victoria! I meant Victoria!"

Lee chuckled. "You know, they do look pretty similar."

Victoria rolled her eyes. "Don't ask me _what_ the people in makeup and hairstyling were thinking."

00000

 _Take One_

Barrage stomped up to the microphone. "LISTEN UP, you snot-nosed baggy-pants-wearin' fly-covered–wait, that's not right."

 _Take Two_

"LISTEN UP, you snot-nosed baggy-pants-wearin' maggot-covered puddles of vomitrocious–wait, hold on."

 _Take Three_

"LISTEN UP, you snot-nosed baggy-pants-wearin' maggot-covered puddles of vomitized puke! Scrumming through life like it's some kind of...some kind of...OH, COME ON!"

00000

"Lee! Tina Kwee with A. Nigma High News. Looking to score an exclusive on the scoop of the day," Tina said, shoving a mic in Lee's face.

Lee got a nervous look on his face. "Uh, hey! Heh. Hi."

Another microphone was stuck in his face. "What?"

Chaz, who was holding the mic, grinned. "Chaz Monorainian! Question, Lee: how does it feel, taking responsibility for _my_ prank?

Lee blinked. "Wait, _what?_ "

"You heard it right! _My_ prank! I did it 'cause I knew I'd be famous for it, but you're the one who got the blame for it, so now I have to forever live in anonymity while you get all the fame!" He fell to his knees and started screaming towards the sky. "DAMN YOU, LEE! DAMN YOU TO HEEEEEEEELL!"

Tina, who at this point was cackling madly, turned to the camera and made a slashing motion across her throat. "Let's–let's save this for the blooper reel!"

The director groaned and massaged her temples. "Okay people, let's take it from the top. Chaz, _please_ stick to the script, alright?"

Chaz pouted. "You're no fun."

00000

"That...was the craziest thing I've ever seen!"

Lee stared at Biffy. "But I didn't do it!" he protested.

"Oh, of course not. You don't have the devious mind, skills, or physical know-how to plot such epic archaic righteous chaos."

"...well, fuck you too."

The director groaned. "Language!"

00000

Lee pried the vent cover loose...and then saw the red tatzelwurm come around a corner and run directly at him.

"The tazelwurm! AAAH!" he yelped.

Suddenly, the tatzelwurm started shaking and sparking before shutting off completely, smoke pouring out of its mouth.

Lee gulped. "Wasn't me, I swear."

00000

Lee, back in his room, circled the gym on a blueprint of the school before hearing an electronic beeping sound. "Finally," he muttered.

He went over to his computer and pressed a button–but instead of pictures of the prank popping up, a few... _risque_ photos came up.

Lee shrieked and backed away. "Whose camera did I steal, a pornographer's?!"

The director moaned. "Alright, who is the _thoroughly sick_ individual who came up with that prank?"

Snickering could be heard offset.

"BIFFY, WHAT THE _HELL?!_ "


End file.
